Monday 15 September 2014

More From a Disillusioned Writer

Hello again and many thanks for all the support I've received since posting last week, both on and off this blog.

Since coming clean about my writing crisis, I've renewed contact with a friend and fellow writer I hadn't heard from for a while, and we're planning to meet up soon. I've also discovered quite a few people going through similar crises of confidence. It all helps - and I really appreciate everyone who has got in touch, commented, 'liked' or whatever. 

I haven't stopped writing. I've thought about it, many a time, but not writing would be a bit like not breathing for me. What I have stopped doing is reading through what I've written. My first drafts are always longhand - often scribbled first thing in a morning before I'm properly awake - and at the moment, they are staying that way. Almost illegible, even to me. I daren't read them. It's like looking in the mirror on a bad hair (or bad face) day.

I've also stopped sending things off. I had a big let-down from my publisher, almost two years ago now. They'd commissioned me for a series about a young boy and his companion robot - and they changed their minds. I was not only disappointed but humiliated - I'd told people about the series, I'd blogged about it and talked about it on school visits. Foolishly, perhaps. So I felt an a complete fool as well as being horribly disappointed. People have encouraged me to submit elsewhere and consider self-publishing, but to be honest I can still hardly bring myself to open the folder.

I know. Silly, isn't it? You have to pick yourself up and carry on. It's hardly a matter of life and death. People are a million times more important than books and I know that - of course I do.

But self-esteem matters to a writer. You've got to believe in yourself, whether you're a beginner, an experienced author or somewhere in between. While being prepared to learn and realising you've a long way to go, you nevertheless have to believe you're on the right road and at least stand a chance of getting where you want to be. Without that, you might as well be writing for your own eyes alone - or not even for your own, if you're never going to read the stuff.

I'll say one thing, though. Since my confession last week, I've developed a real enthusiasm for the thing I'm writing now. I'm not saying I'll ever send it anywhere or try to publish it. But you never know. It's pouring out of me like water (sewage?) out of a burst pipe, and at the moment I can't wait to see what will happen next (I've never been a writer who plans). That's all I'm saying. I'm scared of jinxing it, or looking like a fool when it doesn't work out.

Take care and good luck with whatever you are working at, be it writing or something even more important(!)

More soon,
Ros 

PS For what I did before my writing 'crash', plus reviews and various other things including details of my books, see my other blog, Rosalie Reviews


PPS How do you change your Google profile and give yourself a less cheerful face?

 


2 comments:

  1. Dealing with publishers can be hard, can't it? You get so emotionally involved with your work, it hurts when it gets rejected. It feels too personal.

    That is why agents can be a good idea. They can negotiate with publishers, sort out the terms, handle the rejections and the snubs, all without suffering the emotional links to the work. It certainly could be an approach worth considering.

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  2. You're right, Mike. Dealing with an agent would be easier, but sadly I have never managed to persuade an agent to take me on. Maybe it's time to try again, though? Perhaps I will start sending things out to agents again. Just need to get myself into a state where a bunch of rejections from agents won't knock me back and stop me writing :-)

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